When I was in college I would pull all nighters for my art finals and feel totally fine for the rest of the day, the delirium driving my enthusiasm for the day. In my post-grad work I was teaching in the classroom all day followed by classes for my two credentials often staying up past midnight to finish a lesson plan and still get into the classroom by 7am. Again, I pushed through the days without issues and even showed up regularly for happy hour at the end of the week. I thrived on being busy and easily worked through exhaustion. . . . until I had my boys.
There's no exhaustion like parent exhaustion and I haven't been able to figure out why until recently. But I think I'm finally starting to grasp the concept:
As newborn parents we're tired because of the lack of sleep with a crying baby and midnight feedings: it's inevitable and a known thing, but it's still exhausting. Then you have a toddler, each tough night is followed by "well, it's probably teething, lets do Motrin tomorrow." But, then the teeth come in and they still wake up randomly: they need water, a snack, a snuggle, and the awful nightmares about a Leprechaun breaking into their bedroom. This cycle goes on and off throughout the first six years (probably longer, but I'm not past this phase yet). You never know when you'll be woken up at midnight, 3am, or 4am, and if you're lucky sometimes they'll let you sleep past 6am.
But, why is this so exhausting? It's because it's completely unpredictable! You could have done everything right: swim lessons followed by the trampoline park and then a playdate with an amazing filling dinner before bed, but they don't care. There's no guarantee that you're going to actually sleep once you lay your head down for the night. The unpredictability is exhausting!
Once you get beyond the night time wake up issues and commit to your fate of an 8pm bedtimes in hopes that you can pieces together 8 hours of sleep in a 10 hour window, you'll be better off. Your household tasks will still be there at 6am, you probably won't get solo time with your spouse, or nights out with your friends, or any quiet moments just for yourself, BUT you'll get the sleep you so desperately need. Until you don't because they get sick . . .
As a self diagnosed type-A person, I thrive on being busy and tackling my to-do list. I love checking those little boxes and it actually brings me joy to add things knowing I'll tackle them sooner than later. Except when you don't, because sometimes you won't when you have croup or pneumonia or the stomach bug, or any number of other fun infections that will inevitably pop up without warning. You have to wake up to cancel your day, your week, and all the lovely items on your to-do list. The unpredictability is exhausting!
If you are somebody who can homeschool (even as a master teacher, that's not for me) and skip all the extra-curricular activities, keep your kids at home and away from high-touch surfaces like playgrounds, you might be able to skip the inevitable viruses going around the schools. Otherwise, be sure to have lots of Motrin and Honey on hand: inhalers, humidifiers, and cough syrups are in constant rotation over here.
Now that we've tackled sleep and illnesses, lets dive into the mood swings and behaviors. Of course we know that toddlers are unpredictably exhausting: they want the banana but definitely not the way you handed it to them! It's an emotional rollercoaster each day with a 2 year old, but it's supposed to get easier after that, right? Wrong! As they get older their opinions get stronger and you still can't reason rationally with a 3 year old.
Now, as a mom of a neurodivergent kiddo, this unpredictability comes into play daily at age 6.5. Just when all my friends are saying how great of a phase their kid is in (independent at many things but still loves to cuddle), we haven't gotten there yet. We are in the constant phase of being triggered by unexpected things and unreliable reactions to simple requests or transitions. Some days are great, some are okay, and others are really really tough. The unpredictability is exhausting!
In conclusion, if you're a parent in any phase and you're exhausted: you're not alone. The constant theme (at least in the first 6.5 years) is that life with kids is unstable, its ever changing, and because of that, it's really exhausting.
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